Dissolving Time

...and my relationship to it.

My Last blog post was posted on July 15, 2025. That was 6 weeks ago.

You must know that it was my full intention to share a post with you every 2 weeks. Behind that intention is the energy of friendship, love, warmth, kindness, honor, loyalty, communication, connection, and community. The fact that 6 weeks have passed (3 potential blogs unwritten and not shared), has left me truly contemplative about my relationship to and with TIME. So much so that I feel I have to write about it!

Most of us were raised on the notion that Time is fixed and objective, measured by clocks and calendars; measured in neat units - seconds, minutes, hours - lined up in a row like beads on a string. But my relationship with Time tells a different story.

Early in life, time was measured in bike rides, the summer months that served as the bridge between grades in school, nighttime sitcoms (everything revolved around Laverne and Shirley and The Love Boat), and playtime before dinner. As I got older, I left Time’s more natural rhythm, in favor of its tether to milestones and anticipated events. Birthdays, a new grade, holidays, graduations, legal ages (18 & 21), jobs, children, and parenting. I entered the season of life called “Striving”, characterized by the reach for the next destination that would assuredly lead to greater happiness.

Between the ages of 37 and 40, the striving stopped and life circumstances forced me to pull both mind and body out of the future (and out of the past), with full attention in the present. This is when the ‘familiar’ feeling of Time began to dissolve and Time held me in a still point outside of measurement. I stopped wearing watches and I was more present with the position of the sun, the phases of the moon, the color of the leaves, and the temperature outside. These were my markers of time passing, and still are.

As the last 6 weeks have merged into a few minutes, I have felt something shift again. While its been a long time since ‘time’ has felt like a straight line, lately it almost feels like it is folding in on itself….moments overlapping, collapsing, expanding, and/or contracting - leaving me both disoriented and awestruck. The disorientation isn’t just mental, it’s emotional. There’s a strange grief in realizing how slippery time has become, a fear that I might lose track of what matters if I can’t hold on to it. But there’s also awe, a widening of the heart at the possibility that I’m brushing against something far bigger than myself, something timeless. Oh wait, that’s me…..Timeless.

I will never understand the true scientific nature of time, but what I do know is that older versions of me exist in me, and therefore, future versions must exist in me as well. If I believe this to be true, then there is nothing to regret and nothing to worry about.

I just AM.

See you next time.

Love,

Lacy