Living Awake

Being Human in New York City

I have been writing in secret for a very long time.

I have used the blank canvas of the page as a receptacle for my thoughts, my feelings, my decision making, and my overall processing of my experiences as a human being for decades.

For years, writing was about pure expression of thoughts and feelings that I would never speak to anyone else. A dumpster of sorts. A bottomless, rusted dumpster for all the hard, confusing, and painful thoughts and emotions that had nowhere else to go. Over time, perhaps as I matured, the blank canvas became a sacred space that helped me identify patterns in myself and make sense of things in my life. Many questions have been posed and answered through my writing, sometimes all in the same sentence! The page and I have collaborated together to generate new ideas, regulate emotions, solve mysteries, and unpack baggage. What was once a rusty dumpster became a detective partner, helping me solve the riddles of ME.

It is now time to level up.

In perhaps what some might call a deep act of vulnerability, it is time to raise the shade and let others witness this intimate relationship I have with the written word and all its power. It is time to use the canvas to foster connectivity, share ideas, ask questions, impart wisdom, model courage, and empower others to do the same. It is time to invite you into this space with me…..

LIVING AWAKE

I have always been fascinated by the difference between being a human being, being human, and human doing.

Being human is more about our biology. Its about our body, our neurology, our need for sleep, our need for food as fuel, our instinctive fears, our raw emotions, and our desire for connection.

Human doing is the busy ‘self’ who is often wrapped up in the achievement, the productivity, and the external validation. This is the land where personal worth is tied to accomplishment, and the to-do lists, deadlines, and box-checking rule the day.

Being a human being, is about consciousness. It’s the choice to reflect, grow, and live with awareness. Being a human being means we aren’t just reacting from an instinctual place as a biological creature—but we are being present, intentional, and living awake.

This past weekend I traveled to New York City for the first time in 30 years. I had the incredible opportunity to witness myself being human, engage human doing, and being a human being all at the same time. The human doing was effortless. We pow-wowed and made a list of all we wanted to see and experience. We checked the boxes, met deadlines we set for ourselves, and celebrated all we accomplished in the short 72 hour visit. I engaged being human as I felt the thousands of steps walked and stairs climbed; fed our bodies; felt hypervigilant on the subway; wept at the World Trade Center memorial; wandered around in awe at the Metropolitan Museum of Art; was mesmerized by the talent and creativity in a broadway show; and felt compassion for the homeless and the angry.

However, it is without a doubt that the being a human being is what rendered the entire journey, from beginning to end, so impactful.

Being a human being is the integration of the doing and feeling with awareness. When we are being, we are grounded, present, aware and moving with intention in all that we think, feel, and do. We are able to stay connected to experiences and we are able to witness ourselves within the larger context of our life journey. We are aware of being aware of the patterns of ourselves as we walk the path of all experiences.

I was aware of my fears in New York City.

I was aware of my excitement in New York City.

I was aware of my parenting patterns and their potential negative impact on my kids while in New York City.

I was aware of the joint pain as I walked the streets of New York City.

I was aware of the amazing rhythm of the city itself, as well as the rhythm of all the people humming by, whether on foot, on a bike, in a car, or walking a dog.

I was aware that I could not walk a block without hearing a minimum of 3 different languages spoken.

I was very aware of nature, where I expected to see none.

I was aware of the love I felt for my children and their varied personalities and interests based on their focus of attention.

I was aware that I felt gratitude for my home in North Carolina.

Nature was so green, the sounds were so loud, the buildings were so dense, the smells were so varied, etc., etc. etc.

BEING A HUMAN BEING in New York City was a powerful experience for me. What a playground of experiences to practice it all!

Clearly, the art of life lies in balancing all three—honoring our humanity (acceptance), engaging with the world (expression), and remembering to simply be (presence).

May you find yourself more awake in life today, tomorrow , and every day moving forward. It is a great privilege to BE A HUMAN BEING!

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